Sand-witch

July 28, 2009 at 4:36 pm (Uncategorized)
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Well crap…as much as I’d like to deny it, I’m going to be leaving for the National Training Center in California at the end of the week. I’ll be gone for the month of August with little contact with home for the majority of the time that I’ll be gone. There are reasons I am looking forward to going; training with my guys, getting up to speed with what we will be doing on future deployments, showing the higher ups that even after a less that glorious time in the recruiting world, that I am a good soldier and leader.

I am NOT looking forward to this little trip to the high desert of California as it is going to be the longest I will have been away since we had the boys. I am sad, nervous and sad again. I love my family and love the boys like no one else. If there is any good that could have come from the recruiting assignment it would be that I was able to stay home for the entire first four years and 18 months of their lives. Many in the army cannot make that claim. For this I am one of the lucky ones.

Now that I am back to my REAL job, it’s time for me to prepare myself for the deployment to come and with it the year long separation that is going to probably be the hardest thing I have ever done. Not only that but do it with an outside strength so that my family, Tania namely, won’t see how hard this is going to be for me. I am so glad that she is as strong and loving as she is. I think a lesser person would have thrown in the towel long ago. Between me deploying a month after we moved to the states together, through four years of recruiting, as well as my stupid man antics, by all accounts she should be gone, looking for a man who can provide a more stable environment with less stress and drama. Yet here she stays, continuing to love us all, be supportive and hold our home together through field exercises, gunnery’s and another upcoming trip to the sand box.

The one thing that can be said for being out in the desert, be it here in the USA or overseas, is that star and moon gazing are amazing! Being out in the middle of no where, with no light pollution from surrounding towns, cities and whatnot make the whole sky glimmer with the stars. When the moon comes up she seems bigger and brighter than anywhere else. Being drawn to the moon and the night as much as I am, this is my time to reflect and ground myself. I hope to have the time to have some alone time to get my thoughts together while I am away. To be able to reflect on my family and work some simple spells to keep them safe in my absence.

May Diana and Dianus watch over you and yours; protect you and keep you from harm

Over the hedge and back

jason

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Saging

July 26, 2009 at 9:06 am (Uncategorized)
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Good grief! Yesterday was on the stressful side for sure. Got a call at six a.m. from one of my soldiers, major family emergency. So started my last weekend home before leaving for training in California for 4 weeks. Spent the day with him calming him down and getting things for him and his family straight. Tania spent time with the other side of the family as well. Their parents flew in by the end of the day with me taking him to the airport to pick up his dad and then back to the base and then back home. Didn’t finish up the day till a bit after midnight. My guy spent some time here at the house with me, trying to calm down and not get in trouble. LOTS of negative energy, negative vibes, just negativity in general.

The first thing I thought of when I woke up was “I have GOT to sage this house!” I do not need that kind of energy in our home! It seems that while he was here he was a lot calmer than he had been for most of the day. I’d like to think that the positive energy in the house had something to do with that. I like to think also that we have a pretty positive environment here, and though I haven’t really cleansed the house in a while; between the boys positive energy and the love that permeates the house through my wife’s baking and caring for the boys, it stays pretty mellow in house. this though was definitely something that was going to eat up a lot of that positive energy….definitely time to recharge!

Have you ever had company, family or otherwise that just seemed to bring the mood of the whole house down? That sort of thing just seems to linger after they leave causing you to keep bringing up all the negative things they said or did while there. If you’ve ever noticed that, then you can see why I felt the need to get that crud out of our home.

I started out by moving a few things around on the alter. It’s been set up since we have been here, but I find myself constantly moving things around a little bit. Setting it up the way I feel it should be. While skimming back over one of my books I found an alter setup suggestion that pretty much looked like mine. I made a few changes, centered and grounded (with the help of Jake through questions like “can I help?” and Whatcha doin’?” ala Phineus and Ferb) and started lighting candles for the Goddess and God adding Lavender incense as that makes pretty much everyone in the house happy. I have a candle dedicated to the moon and a candle center alter for the elements of fire. I rang a bell and asked for the presence of the spirits, thanking them for being with me.

 After channeling happy thoughts, again made easy with my son watching and helping, I lit the sage while speaking to the energies of the home. I thanked them for our home and family and asked to help disperse and banish the negative thoughts and energies that had been brought into the house. Then I went from room to room with the boys on my heels, circling and thanking the Goddess and God for our happy family and asked to bless and clense our home, paying close attention to the rooms that had the most exposure to negative energy. Once I finished up I returned to the alter and  spent a little time quietly reflecting and extinguished the sage.

As I’m writing this my alter is still lit, honoring the Goddess and God. I figure I’ll leave the alter going for a while giving it time to warm the home. I feel much better now! I know this is more for me…kind of journalling on-line but I wanted to post it. Maybe someone will see it and go “hmmmm…that’s why I feel so Blah after so an so visits!”

Over the Hedge and back,

jason

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Alter stuff

July 22, 2009 at 8:23 pm (Uncategorized)
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Spent some time today getting my alter spruced up a bit. It’s been getting a little cluttered, Jake comes into  the room and puts stuff up on the dresser where I have my alter set up. If I had the room I would put up a separate something to put an alter on, but the rest of the house is pretty much off limits since the little ones will undoubtedly get into something.

Also spent a little time explaining things on the alter to Jakob. It was nice showing him what each thing meant. I just want him to understand what I am doing and give him the ground work so that later when he’s older he can understand what it means to be a witch. If he chooses that path then I will be happy for him. If he chooses something else, then I will support that too. I want him( and eventually Aiden too) to be comfortable with believing in whatever way they seem fit. Yes they are young but if they see that this is something that is a part of my life and that it’s important to me them maybe they will learn to respect it and ask more and more about it. I just want him to think and learn things for himself before he goes off the school and hears things from others who may not be as understanding or open. 

Over the Hedge and back again,

jason

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WAYYYY TOO LONG!

July 21, 2009 at 5:34 pm (Uncategorized)
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I can’t believe how long it’s been since I posted anything! I’m definitely to lord of procrastination! Funny that I’m starting this back up since I’ll be gone for a while here pretty soon for some good ol’ army training. Well, I need to get back to it and yet again re-dedicate myself to blogging and to the Craft.

I wish I had the answer to how NOT to let things preoccupy my time and push things aside. I’m struggling for balance and focus. I know it’s because I’m letting myself become consumed with all things work. Now that I’m back in the REAL army I’m focused on proving myself. After so much time away I was afraid that I would loose the ability to be a proper leader. So far, I have been doing it and doing it well. Lots of positive feedback, good training and kudos from my higher ups. Maybe it’s time to pull back a little and re-focus on the spiritual side of my self.

It’s been a pretty busy past few months! So much I should have come home and blogged about when it was still fresh in my mind. Soooo guess I’ll knock the cobwebs out and update on the highlights.

A few months ago I was assigned as the Equal Opportunity guy for my unit. That being said I had to go to “school” for two weeks to get the basics of being the rep for my Company. When the course started we were given a little assignment; making our personal badges. The project was pretty simple, a couple of manila file folders taped together creating four panels. Each panel contained personal information such as name, ethnicity, race, religion, then other info on who we see ourselves as. I took the thing home and got nice and creative with it and brought it in for the second part of the assignment, presenting our “badge”. The class started and each person got up in turn and presented their badges, telling everyone what they had put down, then when finished opened up the floor for questions before sitting and moving to the next person.  I was somewhere in the middle so it took a little bit to get to me. As I sat I couldn’t help but notice that the vast majority of the class were Baptist or Southern Baptist ( I am down south after all). Soon it was my turn. I went to the front and started. When I got to the religion part I simply stated that I was Pagan, intentionally leaving it open for people to ask questions. Silence. Well, maybe not total silence, there was at lease one audible “tisk”. I finished and asked if anyone had a question. Nothing. No big deal. I wasn’t wanting to start some huge discussion about beliefs, but was interested on a reaction since about 80% of the class were Baptist.

A few days later the Post Chaplin came and spoke to us about religious accommodation. He had about a 30 minute block of time and pretty much rushed through it. touched on the recognition of “wiccans” and then moved on quickly. Maybe I’m looking for something when it isn’t really there, but I’m pretty sure there was tone in his voice when he said the word wiccans, like it was a dirty word, or it was hard for him to say it out loud. It’s the little things that I notice.

That’s it for now….more later!

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Highs and lows

January 20, 2009 at 9:59 pm (Uncategorized)

It has been a day of highs and lows. After about a month of being in limbo, being assigned and then un-assigned to units, I am finally locked into a unit. The good; I am now a tank commander in a unit that is in sore need of leaders. I am very stoked to be in a unit and ready to get caught up with things in the armor world. The bad is I am now in a different unit than the one I was originally going to be assigned to. Why bad? Well, I was going to a group that JUST got back from being deployed, so I was going to be more or less safe from being deployed till late next year. The guys I am going to be with now will be deployed MUCH sooner! I was sort of expecting it, but thought I was going to be set for a while till I was moved. Oh well, it’s all good I guess.

Today, as you well know unless you live under a rock, we saw the dawning of a new era, our 44th president was sworn in brining in the promise of change and maybe more respect from the international community as well as that of the rest of the country. There was a reason Bush had a 25% approval rating. Had, I get to say had now!

Something that I told Tania today. I wasn’t always as open minded as I am now. I give most of the credit to my wife. I was once a narrow minded youth, regurgitating the same ol’ intolerant rhetoric that most immature male tend to do. Bashing or poking fun of anything and anyone who was “different”. It’s amazing the crap we will feed ourselves to be accepted by others. During my four year break in service I was going to college. During that time I began to see the true value of open-mindedness. I finally opened my eyes with the help of my wife. I guess I had myself convinced that the views I had were the right ones to have. Then after a few talks with her, (I think starting down the Pagan path might have had something to do with it as well), I really began to question myself, and rightly so. Life is too short to be narrow minded. I’m still growing, at least emotionally, so by no means am I cured of being a jackass from time to time, but I like to think I am a hell of a lot more open and enlightened than I was when I was in my early 20’s. That’s why now I feel sorry for the younger soldiers that I see and work with spouting the same crap I did a long time ago.    

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Fear Vs. Love

January 7, 2009 at 7:52 pm (Uncategorized)
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A major part of faith, as I see it, is supposed to be based on love. What brings question to my mind is that it seems that faith has been more driven by FEAR rather than love by many churches. Now I’m no philosophy major so bear with me, but from my own experiences I see people, not all mind you, professing a certain faith without fully understanding what they are practicing. Many people want to be right about their path due to the consequences of being wrong, not because they truly feel in their heart that they are better people through what the practice. Religion for many of them has turned into a battle of “I’m right, your wrong”, seeping even into Pagan practices. I have to smile to myself sometimes when I read or hear about someone who has been initiated through a certain coven or tradition saying that someone cannot claim to be a “true” witch because they don’t do things exactly as they did to be “recognized” as a bon-a-fide witch. POPPYCOCK!!!

 Faith and love, to me, is a wonderful thing and if you are so happy with your path then stay the course, but follow because you love it and fell loved by it (it being your chosen Deity). Follow because it is truly the right path for you, not because “what might happen if I’m wrong” echoes in your ears when you may feel a twinge of doubt or read something that my cause one to question their faith. Anything that causes you to call into question something you do should be followed with a known answer or with some reading. People get lazy, especially in the way of faith. They prescribe to a certain group because that group is pretty close to the way they think. They go to services, tune out for an hour, and sing some songs without thinking about their origin or what they mean to them personally and then head home, having checked the faith block for the week.

I bring this up because I was a follower. Mostly because everyone else was going to church on Sunday so that was the thing to do. The Pastor was nice, told good stories and you felt like part of a bigger thing. However, the rest of the week, Monday through Sunday rarely did I give a second thought to faith or to God. That’s not to say I was some sort of social deviant. I was a pretty average kid growing up in the 80’s heavy metal scene, minus drugs or alcohol. My mother did a pretty good job keeping me out of those troubles…  back to my original train of thought.

In my humble opinion, the Church has ruled and guided its followers through fear rather than love over the years. Think about it. Fear is an amazing motivator. Believe the way we tell you or you will be cast into a lake of fire, and be tortured over and over for all eternity. WOW talk about punishment! All this because someone might not subscribe to the other persons narrow point of view. “Don’t do that, you’ll go to hell, don’t eat this don’t get a tattoo, you’ll go to hell. Baptize your kid or THEY will go to hell because you’re a selfish jerk who wouldn’t do it for them”.  Talk about a guilt trip! “Here are the deadly sins, (how many are their now?), break them, go to hell.” If I was a hermit, harmed none, loved the land if it were my own mother and never hurt or harmed another living soul, except maybe to hunt  to eat, according to Christian dogma I would still go to hell because I wasn’t baptized, taught the scriptures, wasn’t circumcised, the list goes on. It seems harsh to me that a loving, compassionate, all knowing God cannot look into the heart of a person and KNOW that person is good.

I’m all good on guilt. No thanks, trying to quit! I’ve lost a lot of time following a path that wasn’t my own simply because I was too scared to do what I felt was and is right for me. I’m not writing this to try to change others point of view. Just to vent a little and maybe put things into perspective. LOVE should be the reason you love your God, not fear.

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OUCH!!!

January 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm (Uncategorized)

Now I’ve done it! I pushed and pushed myself and now I think I’ve done in my back for good!

Between taking it (sort of) easy and the drugs I was prescribed I was feeling pretty good for the past couple of days. Puttered around, got stuff done, helped with the kids as much as I could etc. Today we went to post in the morning so Tania could take the boys to the first play group here in Ga. She baked cookies and we headed out. I WAS planning on taking a little drive while she was at the playground to check on a car for me as we decided to leave my old clunker behind rather than move it with us. Turns out the guy sold it “saving” me the trip but putting me in a less that wonderful mood.  After picking up the gang form the playground we had a little time to grab lunch before heading to the hospital for Aiden’s one year check up and shots. I CAN NOT believe it has already been a year!

So all went well, the boy is healthy as a horse. We went home and I poked at cars for a few minutes and was still seeing a car or two at the same place I was looking at earlier that I wanted to see. So we said screw it lets just go check them out. So, we start wrangling the kids back into clothes. I grabbed Aiden to change his bum and just as Tania warns me to be careful, it hits me. Freaking pain like you wouldn’t believe shooting down from my lower back through my left leg. I’m not sure if spasm is the right word, more like lightning bolt of hot pissed off nerve!!! I put the boy down and sprawled out on the floor face down for a little while and the pain ebbed. I figured I could deal and just go, take some pain meds and be ok. That was a big fat no. I could barely walk to the car and when I tried to sit the pain was just as bad as the first time! Soooo, I gimped my stubborn butt back to the house to our bed and face planted. Instant relief!

So here I am, still in bed. I am really hoping like hell things get better tomorrow. I really don’t want to be in bed all day tomorrow as well. I’m also hoping to be able to get prescription refills for the stuff I am now out of that I obviously still need. I am, however, getting the sneaky suspicion this is going to end up with me getting surgery sooner rather than later on yet another ruptured disk.

Not only am I worried about reporting to a new duty assignment broken, but now I have to wonder if this all might affect my plans for going into law enforcement after I retire from the Army. If I’ve already had two back surgeries, will any department be willing to give me a job.

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Down but not out!

January 4, 2009 at 9:39 pm (Uncategorized)

Time to get back to writing. I’ve taken a little too much time away so I have a lot of catching up to do. Since the move down to Georgia things have been pretty hectic. Once we arrived, the folks that were living in the house we were going to rent from, were running into their own issues with clearing out of the military base and getting underway. So, we ended up spending a bit more time in hotels than I would have liked. Not that it was just money burning, but I wanted to get in and get settled as quickly as possible. I really wanted to get as much unpacked as possible since T was heading to Korea with Jake for her brother’s wedding. This left me with getting unpacked and getting Aiden enrolled in daycare while I was trying to in process in to Fort Stewart. Wow! I had no idea it was going to involve so much paperwork and running around. That really slowed me up! Once I did get him enrolled I couldn’t drop him off any earlier than 8 am and since I was supposed to be at first formation at 6 am that made for a little stress for me as I want to make the best first impression.  Not that the leadership gave me a hard time, I just wanted to get everything done as quickly as possible.

My mom came down to help out and be here for the holidays. That was a lot of help for sure! Then we were back to having a full house when T got back from Korea on the 22nd. Things were moving pretty crazy, but were moving well none the less. Of course things have a way of making life interesting.

At some point moving around stuff from room to room I managed to bend my back out of shape….again! I ruptured a disk in my lower back a few years ago and took my sweet ass time getting it fixed. Part of the procrastination was being in recruiting and getting the pressure that anytime away was me waiting the army’s time, injured or not. I don’t do well against guilt trips so I put off surgery for almost 10 months before I couldn’t deal with the pain anymore and T couldn’t stand hearing me bitch about my back hurting anymore. The surgery went great. The only thing I thought was odd was that they never recommended physical therapy. I worked out and got going pretty good, so I didn’t worry about it too much.

Well, here I am again. This time I didn’t wait a million years before going to get things checked out, and the Dr. confirmed that I have a bulging disk. No idea if it’s ruptured or not, I’ll have to wait till the MRI to see. I don’t get to do that till the 16th. Until then I have been on pain pills and anti-inflammatory drugs. Not my cup of tea, but I’ll do what I have to get past this.

I HATE being laid up! Not being able to help  do anything had had me getting grumpier by the day. I know it’s hard for Tania to do all the lifting with the boys all the time since I’m not supposed to lift anything over 10 lbs. Today I had finally had enough. I had to do something. I sanded and painted a few spots on the walls, re-caulked the sink in our bedroom and sorted out the garage a bit and took down the outdoor Christmas lights. I’m sure she is frustrated with me and doesn’t want me to do something that is going to make things worse, but I can’t just sit around when there is still so much that we need to do to get settled.

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The hunt goes on

November 24, 2008 at 9:11 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, I think we are a step closer to having a place to stay in Georgia. I have been leaning toward a four bedroom house that is a couple of years old. We have been looking back and forth over a few places, townhouses, regular houses etc. I think we are going to offer to snap the house up, just waiting for them to send a few more pics of the inside before we say yes. If this is indeed the place I will feel a whole lot better about this move! Finally having a hard address at the other end of the trip will be VERY good! I have been feeling a lot of pressure to make the right decision on this. I just don’t want to overlook something, but it’s time to just do it and get into a place. I think this is the best thing for us on all levels. Good area, strong schools, fenced back yard for the dog and boys, extra room for visitors, the list goes on!

Had a little hic-up this morning; got a return call from the transportation people at West Point. They gave us the number for the movers and the people coming to pack our stuff. Initially we were just trying to see when to expect them today. Well, apparently the date I was given was a tentative date, and since they tried to call us to confirm ONCE and didn’t leave a message, they didn’t have us on the list to pack us! Insert heart palpitations here!  Soooo, Tania calmly asked the people what we needed to do to fix this. After about ten minutes she got it all sorted out and set up for the packers to be here on Tuesday and the movers here on Wednesday, and that puts us right  back on track! I know a lot of what life is about is dealing with the things that come our way, but I wouldn’t mind things working nice and easy for a change!

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On the move and stuff!

November 23, 2008 at 11:06 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, we’re getting down to the wire here, had a yard sale this weekend to get rid of stuff that I don’t want to have on the other end of the move. Made about 70 bucks, not bad but not great either. I’m sure the weather had a lot to do with that. It was freaking’ cold! Sunny, but the wind was really bitter when it got going. Oh well, guess the folks at goodwill will be happy this week.

I can’t believe how much stuff we have kicking around either in our back shed or up in the attic. Boxes that haven’t been touched since the move to CT! Yeah it’s so time to get rid of that stuff. I figure if we haven’t touched the stuff in three years we’re not going to miss it! Anyway, it will be good to get that stuff to goodwill this week!

I hate when it takes me so long to get back to writing or blogging. I guess you could say it helps me to clear out the events of the day and maybe think a little on things.

Today was a good day. I feel like I got quite a bit done and was able to spend time with the boys. I have been loving the added time with them since I took vacation. I love playing with Jake. Today while Tania was out for a little while we played “baseball”. This, of course, is Jakes rendition of the game. He was using a tire pressure gauge as the bat and was using a little soft plastic ball instead of a real baseball. The important part of the game was that he was playing it with daddy. What a hoot that kid is! I would throw him the ball and he was doing a pretty good job of hitting it. Then when I would catch it after he hit it, he would tell me “good job!” Too funny!

Sometimes I like to sit back and watch the boys play together. Jake is such a good big bro. He has some rough moments, but he has so much fun playing with Aiden already. They will spend a lot of time in Jakes room sometimes. Jake likes to call his room the machine room for some reason. The two of them will sit in there and play and play. Jake will read to Aiden, or play cars with him, then he will run out of his room and get Aiden to crawl after him. Aiden will giggle up a storm chasing his brother around. I know one of the reasons I wanted us to have two children was so that one would be alone in growing up. That is the way I came up. The closest I had to a brother was my cousin John. He lived in Massachusetts and I lived in Rhode Island or New York, so we pretty much saw each other during the holidays. For the most part I grew up alone and very introverted. I didn’t want that for my kids. I know everyone is different but I feel that two siblings are great company for one another.    

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